Is Your Crush Stressed? Choose your Pick-Up Lines Wisely!

Photo by Namita Azad
Photo by Namita Azad
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The Challenge: It’s hard enough to court your crush, especially if they’re stressed & have a lot going on!
The Science: People who are stressed actually prefer certain kinds of pick-up lines!
The Solution: Be forthright and frank, and you’ll get more trust from the anxious types!

Last week, Dr. Kaufman gave us tips on killer pick-up lines that actually work, this week, he goes into more detail…

Receptivity to pick-up lines involves cognitive processing i.e. thought. A certain amount of mental energy is required to follow the conversation and cut through the bullhonkey to figure out a person’s true intentions. But your mental state at any given moment is influenced by a number of factors, including how much stress you’ve experienced that day, or even just before the current conversation. If you’ve already been hit by a barrage of cute/flippant lines, your brain may feel a bit fatigued.

Cognitive fatigue matters. When your mind is taxed, it is much more difficult to process information and regulate your emotions, thoughts, and actions. Like a muscle, self-control is a limited resource: when fatigued, it’s hard to flex it. This has important implications for interpersonal relationships: people in monogamous relationships whose brains are tired spend more time looking at attractive potential mates, are more likely to accept a coffee date from an attractive person, report more interest in an attractive person who is not their partner, and are more likely to actually cheat.

But how does this relate to receptivity to pick-up lines? Does a person’s mental state affect how a pick-up line is perceived? In a recent study, Gary Lewandowski and colleagues gave 99 undergraduates a five-minute writing task in which they were asked to describe a recent trip. In the “ego-depletion” condition, students were told they couldn’t use the letters A or N anywhere in the story, whereas in the “non-depletion” condition, they weren’t given this cognitively taxing instruction. After the writing task, participants looked at a picture of an attractive opposite sex person and rated how they would respond if the person approached them, using one of three categories of openers: direct, innocuous, and cute/flippant. What did they find?

Those whose brains were cognitively taxed were less receptive to cute/flippant openers compared to those in the non-depletion condition. In the context of cute/flippant pick-up lines, those in the depleted group were more likely to “ask the initiator to leave them alone” and “ignore the initiator.” In contrast, for innocuous gambits, the depleted students were less likely to ignore the person and ask the person to leave them alone. Receptivity to direct gambits was unaffected by being cognitively depleted. There were also gender effects consistent with the prior research I mentioned earlier. Men were more receptive to direct openers, and females were more receptive to innocuous openers. Also, women were least receptive to cute/flippant openers.

What explains these effects? The researchers argue that when it comes to cute/flippant openers, less mental effort is required to figure out the persons’ intentions. Mix that in with the fact that a depleted, frazzled individual may have less tolerance for obvious pick-up attempts, and you have an enhanced aversion to cheesy lines. When it comes to innocuous pick-up lines, however, the person’s intentions are much more ambiguous. This requires much more cognitive resources to decipher intent, sometimes too much. As the researchers note, it’s less socially awkward for the brain depleted individual to continue the conversation until the person’s intentions become more obvious.

There are obvious implications here. Pick-up lines are uttered in bars and clubs all across the globe, to people who probably aren’t using their full cognitive resources. I think it’s fair to say that if you want to accurately perceive a person’s intentions, don’t go overboard with the alcohol, or enter a pick-up-line-rich environment when you’ve had a cognitively taxing day. And what about the other side of the coin? Well, if you have difficulty chatting with people without using corny jokes riddled with blatant sexual intent, you may want to work on toning it down or work on being more witty and contextually appropriate* — or else you may just make an excellent pick-up line researcher!

This article originally appeared at Psychology Today.

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Scott Barry Kaufman
Scott Barry Kaufman is Scientific Director of The Imagination Institute and a researcher in the Positive Psychology Center at the University of Pennsylvania, where he investigates the nature, measurement and development of imagination. In his book, Ungifted: Intelligence Redefined, Kaufman presents a holistic approach to achievement that takes into account each person’s ability, engagement, and personal goals. Kaufman is also co-founder of The Creativity Post, and he writes the blog Beautiful Minds for Scientific American Mind.
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1 Comment

  • Antoine says:

    What a brilliant article! While I knew that will power is a finite resource, I had never made the connection with cognitive fatigue and this article proved to be a “light-bulb” moment for me.

    I write about dating and can recall one instance where I was caught in a date that went wrong (http://yinology.org/questionable/) I cannot explain why I stayed there except to say that it seemed like the right thing to do at the time. Cognitive fatigue does start to shed some light on it though …

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